first loves

Archive, Writing

spines tingle
worlds touch

hearts melt
a total rush

Control

Archive, Writing

He grabs my hand and never lets go
Sounds sweet at first, but I want to roam
I push and shove and tug to get away
But he’s determined to make me stay.

I fight his grasp, lose control
It seems better to let this piece of me go
Cut off my hand and let him keep hold
Of a piece of me.

Just one piece.

Naive.

Once he’s got my hand to lead me where he wants
He craves control of my legs to force me to run
Do things faster, go places I don’t want to go
He rushes me down these scary roads.

Maybe if I let him take that control,
It’ll be enough.
Just one more piece.

Silly.

Now he’s fighting to take everything I have,
As he drags me down these dangerous paths,
He’s taken my voice so I can’t ask
Where we’re heading, what’ll be here

But I know he can smell my fear.

I can’t fight back
Haven’t the strength to push
No courage to run
No desire to be my own person

I need him.
He controls me for the better.
It’s scary and it’s lonely
But I can’t trust myself anymore.

I’m the reason
I’m in this situation
So I’ll let him
Run the show.

I’m forever with him,
Forever alone,
Forgotten who I am
Other than I’m out of control.

the truth i don’t know

Archive, Writing

i’d tell you the truth if
i knew it

The Dream

Archive, Writing

Crayon markings on the wall,
I can see it in my head,
The twists and the turns
in the life we would have led.

My Minds Game

Archive, Writing

Sometimes I wonder if your eyes really do light up when I call your name, or if that’s just a hurtful silly game my mind likes to play. Because there isn’t a hope in hell for me to get the answer I want, but hearing you say it will give me the answer I need. It makes it so easy to forget and move on when I know that I’m no-one you’ll ever want. But I don’t have the guts to ask, because the punch reality will bring may be too much.

Forget About Me

Archive, Writing

i tried to love you
and love me,
the way you do but
i am a
failure

i wish you’d
forget.


I found this in my notes. Apparently, I write poems.

We Will Be Forever

Archive, Writing

I’m trying so hard to write what I feel, that I can’t think straight at all. My feelings are a mess, an absolute mess, a complete range of highs and lows. I get happy and excited just thinking of you, and all the times we had. But then I miss us, and the feeling of being loved, and I can’t forget all that’s lost.