first loves

Archive, Writing

spines tingle
worlds touch

hearts melt
a total rush

This Will Pass


I don’t know how I feel about you. While my head screams “go, you like him,” my heart says to ignore it. This will pass. Usually it’s the other way around.

To be honest, I have no romantic intentions surrounding us. And yet, I want us to go out, dine, chat, discover each others minds. Maybe I’m craving for a friend?

I have friends of all types and all different ages. Some are old, some are young and the rest lost in between. But never have I felt such a strong like for someone who I’m not physically attracted to. Could this be what it’s like to skip the lust, and move straight to that part where you want them not just for their body, but for their mind?

Good question — do I want you for your mind? No, better question — do I want you at all? Given the opportunity, would I lose myself in the heat of the moment or would I shy away with every fiber of my being, shouting “walk on or forever be filled with regret?”

Maybe it’s a subconscious thing. Knowing I cannot have you, perhaps I’ve pushed my feelings below the surface. Maybe it’s just something I’ve forced myself to not acknowledge. Maybe I love you but I’m not allowing myself to, hiding this feeling because I know that we could never be. We should never be.

We will never be.

I’ve said it already — I don’t want you in that sense, so why am I getting so worked up?

All I want is to be your friend. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. So why do I feel the need to question this?

Maybe my subconscious knew all along. Maybe, I am completely wrong.