a total rush
a total rush
her face was blue and white
descriptions of heavier times
fell from her mouth
she wanted to sink their ship
he pushed her for more
until she fell overboard
He grabs my hand and never lets go
Sounds sweet at first, but I want to roam
I push and shove and tug to get away
But he’s determined to make me stay.
I fight his grasp, lose control
It seems better to let this piece of me go
Cut off my hand and let him keep hold
Of a piece of me.
Just one piece.
Once he’s got my hand to lead me where he wants
He craves control of my legs to force me to run
Do things faster, go places I don’t want to go
He rushes me down these scary roads.
Maybe if I let him take that control,
It’ll be enough.
Just one more piece.
Now he’s fighting to take everything I have,
As he drags me down these dangerous paths,
He’s taken my voice so I can’t ask
Where we’re heading, what’ll be here
But I know he can smell my fear.
I can’t fight back
Haven’t the strength to push
No courage to run
No desire to be my own person
I need him.
He controls me for the better.
It’s scary and it’s lonely
But I can’t trust myself anymore.
I’m the reason
I’m in this situation
So I’ll let him
Run the show.
I’m forever with him,
Forgotten who I am
Other than I’m out of control.
We’re too different in the ways that matter,
And it breaks my heart
Because I can see our future together
But it’s an unbearable destiny,
Where the sky is an ever-changing shade of grey
And we’ve our own personal clouds
That float above our heads
Nothing is us, it’s all you and I
Separate and distinct,
Never a team.
Values so different,
Wanting no kids
When I do, I want two
It leaves me wishing for more
For us to have followed similar paths
And that it wasn’t so sporadic,
So random and desperate
That we somehow met
Because now, I’m left craving
A non-existing fate,
Where we can somehow fit
All of these littles pieces that are us together.
But we’d never last a day, so I should forget forever.
Crayon markings on the wall,
I can see it in my head,
The twists and the turns
in the life we would have led.
Sometimes I wonder if your eyes really do light up when I call your name, or if that’s just a
hurtful silly game my mind likes to play. Because there isn’t a hope in hell for me to get the answer I want, but hearing you say it will give me the answer I need. It makes it so easy to forget and move on when I know that I’m no-one you’ll ever want. But I don’t have the guts to ask, because the punch reality will bring may be too much.