An Overhaul.

Archive, Life

I’d like to do an overhaul with jessiblah.com, and seeing as this is in fact my blog, I think I’ll do just that.

Lately I’ve found that while I love to rant on Twitter and YouTube, it’s just not always feasible. Sometimes I feel that my rants aren’t Twitter-appropriate, or may not be welcome by my followers. Other times, I won’t have the chance to record an emotional/unscripted video for a week or two, meaning that I’m keeping all of this bottled up (bleugh, I hate that phrase).

My friends get most of my rants to be honest, and at times it makes me feel guilty for taking up their time. It’s obviously a better idea to rant to strangers, right? I mean, you’re choosing to ramble around this site. I’m not forcing you against your will (hopefully — gosh, imagine if I became so desperate that I kidnapped people and forced them to read my posts, ha). It’s your choice to waste your time, and I can’t be guilty about your choices.

I genuinely don’t know where I’m going with this post.

Anyway, first rant done. Do 205 words count as a rant? I suppose on Twitter, that’d be a good five or six tweets.

Bleh.

first loves

Archive, Writing

spines tingle
worlds touch

hearts melt
a total rush

rock bottom

Archive, Writing

her face was blue and white
descriptions of heavier times
fell from her mouth

she wanted to sink their ship
he pushed her for more
until she fell overboard

Control

Archive, Writing

He grabs my hand and never lets go
Sounds sweet at first, but I want to roam
I push and shove and tug to get away
But he’s determined to make me stay.

I fight his grasp, lose control
It seems better to let this piece of me go
Cut off my hand and let him keep hold
Of a piece of me.

Just one piece.

Naive.

Once he’s got my hand to lead me where he wants
He craves control of my legs to force me to run
Do things faster, go places I don’t want to go
He rushes me down these scary roads.

Maybe if I let him take that control,
It’ll be enough.
Just one more piece.

Silly.

Now he’s fighting to take everything I have,
As he drags me down these dangerous paths,
He’s taken my voice so I can’t ask
Where we’re heading, what’ll be here

But I know he can smell my fear.

I can’t fight back
Haven’t the strength to push
No courage to run
No desire to be my own person

I need him.
He controls me for the better.
It’s scary and it’s lonely
But I can’t trust myself anymore.

I’m the reason
I’m in this situation
So I’ll let him
Run the show.

I’m forever with him,
Forever alone,
Forgotten who I am
Other than I’m out of control.

the truth i don’t know

Archive, Writing

i’d tell you the truth if
i knew it

I Should Forget Forever.

Archive, Writing

We’re too different in the ways that matter,
And it breaks my heart
Because I can see our future together
But it’s an unbearable destiny,

Where the sky is an ever-changing shade of grey
And we’ve our own personal clouds
That float above our heads

Nothing is us, it’s all you and I
Separate and distinct,
Never a team.

Values so different,
Wanting no kids
When I do, I want two

It leaves me wishing for more
For us to have followed similar paths
And that it wasn’t so sporadic,
So random and desperate
That we somehow met

Because now, I’m left craving
A non-existing fate,
Where we can somehow fit
All of these littles pieces that are us together.

But we’d never last a day, so I should forget forever.

All I’ve Ever Known

Archive, Writing

She laughs, as if this is all she’s ever known. Happiness and flower crowns, and not feeling alone. And when he grabs her hand, a twinge within twists and fights. As much as I may struggle to break free, it plays in my mind that I can’t let go. It keeps a hold of my soul. 

This is all I’ve ever known.