I’m trying so hard to write what I feel, that I can’t think straight at all. My feelings are a mess, an absolute mess, a complete range of highs and lows. I get happy and excited just thinking of you, and all the times we had. But then I miss us, and the feeling of being loved, and I can’t forget all that’s lost.
Every time I think I like some other guy, I know those feelings are less true than what I felt with you. I can’t describe how right from the get-go, there was an overwhelming rush of emotions and lust, of wants and desires and the need to have you in my life. I couldn’t stand the thought of not being with you every night. Those feelings, they were so powerful it scared me, and I can’t describe that exciting fear. The only reason I could let us continue was because I knew you felt it too. We needed each other, and I think we still do.
I’ll never feel that way with someone again – and that’s not just a form of desperation speaking, that’s the Gods-honest truth. I know that what we had
was is real. I know that I was meant for you.
And then one week, or two, or four will pass, and I think I’m getting over you at last. But next, a friend I bump into on the street will ask, what you’re up to – unaware that you’re in a new land. So I explain that we’re now on separate paths, and they always remark, “wow, I thought you would last.” All I can think is “I thought so too.”
Just writing this now makes me want to book the next flight out to your city, to reclaim my place in your life. The debt would be worth it, as would the anger by those I left behind. Maybe we should have given long-distance a try. Timing and locations can stand in our way, but Lord help me if there is never a day when we were reunited with one another.
We always said this wasn’t over forever.