I Had to Move

Writing

We pretended we could last forever but knew the ugly truth – I had to leave when you couldn’t move. It was tough, but we were in love; trying to act as if it wasn’t real. We did everything together, knowing it would make it harder for me to go. I had to take every minute with you that I could. Long-distance never works, I thought. What if I forget how I feel? Sounds crazy at first, but the threat was all too real.

The debate began in my head about if what we had was true. I know I can trust you, but can I trust me too? I would never hurt you or cheat, or even think of it, but I was worried that if we were apart I’d think this is itThis is all we have now, a love stretching overseas. This wasn’t a movie – your love wasn’t all I’d need. Well, I suppose it could have been enough, but I have dreams for a career too. Now I had to choose a dream – this job or you? Would it feel like we were together if we’re so far apart? No number of Skype calls could have filled the hole in my heart.

Still, we stormed on through the darkest hours, ignoring the facts of the matter. We couldn’t talk about the impending death of us, until ignoring it became way too tough. When we considered all the options, no solution was to be found. The reality of losing you turned my world upside down.

Maybe as long-distance we could have made it, but we didn’t know how long I’d be away. My heart tore in half a little more each time we took a step towards moving day. Until it happened. I boarded that plane. I cried until my tear-supply had been completely drained.But three years on, I’m still in the city. I stayed. You’ve even found someone else, as much as it kills me to say.

It will all work out when it comes to love. I guess, in the end, we just weren’t in it enough.

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